And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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