i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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