so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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