I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
