He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
