and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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