Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
