dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
