you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we should paint friendship bongs
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
