I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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