brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if only i could text you this smell
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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