So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
