New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
