i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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