I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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