just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
