Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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