I accidentally had phone sex last night
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
