Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
