No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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