bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
