I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
