I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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