Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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