Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
