Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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