i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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