Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if only i could text you this smell
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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