My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
