I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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