you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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