and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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