Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
