i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
