I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
