yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
