and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
