matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Boobs speak an international language.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
