pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
