I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
