btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
