JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
