help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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