can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
