I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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