i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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