so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
