I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
