How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
