Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
