In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
