those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i came on her dog
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
