I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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